Peace of Mind: A close reading approach to "Coming Through Slaughter", Part I

Michael Ondaatje's novel, "Coming Through Slaughter", based on the life of jazz legend Buddy Bolden, narrates his rise to greatness and mysterious disappearance. The following passage takes place before the jazzman's disappearance:

"Shell Beach Station. From the end of the tracks he watched Crawley and the rest of the band get on the train. They were still half-looking around for him to join them from someplace even now. He stood by a mail wagon and watched them. He watched himself getting onto the train with them, the fake anger relief on their part. He watched himself go back to the Brewitts and ask if he could stay with them. The silent ones. Post music. After ambition. (39)"

As the scene opens we can see Buddy observing his bandmates board the train from a distance. His position at the end of the tracks suggests that he wants to remain incognito from the band, or in a larger sense the entertainment business. Ondaatje's use of vague words such as  "half-looking" and "someplace" show that his fellow band members show no particular interest or distress regarding his absence. However this might not bother Buddy in the very least, since he is trying to escape his erratic lifestyle that now defines him.

In the next sentence we can judge by his new position (next to a mail wagon) that he has either moved to a place, closer or farther away. As Buddy continues to observe the band, the reader can't help but become a part of the battle raging within his mind. His mind is divided between the decision to remain within the world of jazz and to escape into a more quite, calmer lifestyle. The former side of his mind appears to be living an illusion, judging by the phrase "the fake anger relief on their part". The reader can infer that his mates show a forced, if not fake liking towards the cornet player, while hiding their true feelings from him. However, the latter presents itself as a calmer future, due to the absence of negative emotions and lies the band brings to Buddy. 

As the passage draws to an end, the reader is given three phrases that summarize Buddy's struggle: "The silent ones. Post music. After ambition.". The way the sentences are presented in reverse chronological order reflect Buddy's life: from his beginnings as an aspiring jazz musician, his subsequent hiatus from music, and finally ending with his disappearance.